 Dear CBS,For the longest time I’ve been a great supporter of your television network and programming. However, in this time of apologies, I would like for you to extend to me the same courtesy you’ve extended the rest of the television viewing public. You see, my name is Benjamin Smash and, as I’m sure you’ve figured out already, that makes my initials BS. Adding a C to the beginning doesn’t do much to cover up just how significantly related my name is to your broadcasting company, and with your recently aired ‘stunts’ I’m ashamed to be a part of what used to be the greatest television company not only in the country, but in the world. Trying to watch the Super Bowl, on the television station that my children and extended family believe I’m part owner of (again, because of the similarities by name), my friends and I were horrified to see Janet Jackson’s breast exposed on national television. Since we were recording the Super Bowl itself, as we do every year, we replayed that one shot over and over again, growing further agitated with every bounce of that pierced nipple illegally aired and brought into millions of innocent and unsuspecting homes. But what we eventually forced ourselves to be an innocent mistake we learned to be merely the first of multiple visual outrages. In watching the Grammy’s, the final performance featuring OutKast sent chills through our spines. How dare you approve such a performance, which blatantly pokes fun at the earth-loving Native American people!?
I hereby request that you apologize to me, Benjamin Smash, for associating your company’s name with mine, that you change your company’s name/letters/identity to distance yourself from my name (my name which, by the way, has been patented, initials and full spelling, in the U.S. Federal Patents Office #USP-60010303), and that you never again try to shock the television loving, American public by assaulting their sensitive sexual practices/beliefs and by assaulting their ridiculous politically correct views on every single conceivable race/color/creed even minutely different from a white male. Shame on you, CBS. -Benjamin “BS” Smash |
Being Jewish myself, I sympathized greatly with the Native American people for how they were discriminated against. All you have to do was swap the teepee in the background with a synagogue, and the headbands and outfits with cipahs and talit and you would have had the same outrage from the Jewish community.