Writes


Letters
Company Pen
Betting On Trump
How Many Toilets?
Lost Nickle
Dear Airline
Dear Senator Vasconcellos
Dear CBS
Dear Carolina Panthers
10 Questions From Americans
Dear Toys R Us...
Small On Top?
The Benjagon
Use Those Weather-Sticks
Einstein Didn’t Know His Barber Could Cook
I Want Your Clutter
Hello, Coca-Cola?
The Question About The Bill
10 Interview Questions


Dreams
Do I Own A Snake?
Fourth Is Enough
7 Year Living Room
Water Bowl
Overboard
Team 3D and The Finger
Coin Bringer
Turtle Dancing and Jell-O World
Team 3D vs. The French
Almost Spiderman
Killing The Old For Books
Closet Snake
Walking Out
Outside My Casino
Todd Took My Beer
Wednesdayding Lake
Vegas Clean Out
U.S. History Quiz in Tijuana
Uri and I vs. Lewis and Tyson
Team 3D 'Cleans' House
Shopping School
Talking to G-d in a Toy Aisle
Witness to a Dream
Bill Clinton's Pep Talk
Team 3D and the 3D Girls vs. The Purple Maori Theater Seat Thieves
North Africa vs. South Africa
Team 3D vs. The Invisible Yellow Llama -or- Zoo Island
Sparing Bonnie Hunt
Quarters for Dogs
Telling Her Off
Killing in Defense
Team 3D vs. The Ozone Blob
Mega Work Dream
Risking Life and Limb Over World War Two Germany
Pastry Bunnies
Dave and Ben vs. Ted Danson
Cory Car Club
Team 3D in New York
Yael's Book Opening Sword
Ten Foot Tall Piece of Fridayed Chicken
Web Hostage
Sky God
Team 3D vs. The Mall Wave
Nose Vines
U.F.I. Mining Town
Girls in Torture-land
Benjamin's Elevator Shaft Shower and the Golden Cross
Me, Kenn, Some Russian Guy, and Fire...
Team 3D vs. The Storm Crane
Two Dreams
Team 3D Detectives
Two Things Wrong
The Musical
A Shave and a Spot
Hawaii 500
Moving In
Japan's Crack Super Parachute Commando Squadron!

 
Fri, 9 Nov 2001
Pastry Bunnies
 
There's this field. A huge field. A field so big that once you're in the center of it, you can't see another geological feature in any direction. The weather's always perfect, there's a myriad of flowers all over the place, and it's only populated by bunnies. Millions upon millions of bunnies. Despite the mass number of bunnies, the field is so huge and thick, you can't see the bunnies spread out over the massive area.

The bunnies move in schools, and you only see them as they collectively bounce, exposing themselves over the high grasses only at the apex of their bounding leaps, so their motions come across kind of like dolphins.

The entire area is completely untouched by man except for one, small, pastry shop smack in the middle of it all. The only way to get to it is by helicopter that lands on it's roof. For whatever reason, nobody is allowed to set foot on the field unles leaving the shop in order to catch bunnies, and then, only to bring them directly back.

And it's the best pastry shop in all the world. What's the deal? All the bunnies are completely white, except for their poofy tails. The tails are all different colors. Some bunnies have blue tails, some red, some green, some yellow, etc... That's the indication of what flavor they are.

The pastry chefs, when in need of cherry pastries, catch the bright red tailed bunnies. Blueberry, obviously, is the blue tails. Lemon, the yellows, and so on. The bunnies are caught, their tails popped off like corks, and then they're squeezed, to death, as they fill whatever batch of pastries that are the project of the moment with their fruity goodness.

And that's pretty much that dream. Simply the knowledge that this place exsted. I wasn't even in it. I just watched the bunnies frolick, watched some get caught, and watch those that were caught get squeezed to death into some wholesome goodness.

The end.