Writes


Letters
Company Pen
Betting On Trump
How Many Toilets?
Lost Nickle
Dear Airline
Dear Senator Vasconcellos
Dear CBS
Dear Carolina Panthers
10 Questions From Americans
Dear Toys R Us...
Small On Top?
The Benjagon
Use Those Weather-Sticks
Einstein Didn’t Know His Barber Could Cook
I Want Your Clutter
Hello, Coca-Cola?
The Question About The Bill
10 Interview Questions


Dreams
Do I Own A Snake?
Fourth Is Enough
7 Year Living Room
Water Bowl
Overboard
Team 3D and The Finger
Coin Bringer
Turtle Dancing and Jell-O World
Team 3D vs. The French
Almost Spiderman
Killing The Old For Books
Closet Snake
Walking Out
Outside My Casino
Todd Took My Beer
Wednesdayding Lake
Vegas Clean Out
U.S. History Quiz in Tijuana
Uri and I vs. Lewis and Tyson
Team 3D 'Cleans' House
Shopping School
Talking to G-d in a Toy Aisle
Witness to a Dream
Bill Clinton's Pep Talk
Team 3D and the 3D Girls vs. The Purple Maori Theater Seat Thieves
North Africa vs. South Africa
Team 3D vs. The Invisible Yellow Llama -or- Zoo Island
Sparing Bonnie Hunt
Quarters for Dogs
Telling Her Off
Killing in Defense
Team 3D vs. The Ozone Blob
Mega Work Dream
Risking Life and Limb Over World War Two Germany
Pastry Bunnies
Dave and Ben vs. Ted Danson
Cory Car Club
Team 3D in New York
Yael's Book Opening Sword
Ten Foot Tall Piece of Fridayed Chicken
Web Hostage
Sky God
Team 3D vs. The Mall Wave
Nose Vines
U.F.I. Mining Town
Girls in Torture-land
Benjamin's Elevator Shaft Shower and the Golden Cross
Me, Kenn, Some Russian Guy, and Fire...
Team 3D vs. The Storm Crane
Two Dreams
Team 3D Detectives
Two Things Wrong
The Musical
A Shave and a Spot
Hawaii 500
Moving In
Japan's Crack Super Parachute Commando Squadron!

 
10 Questions From Americans.
 
I woke up earlier than usual today, and flipping through the channels on TV I came across Inside the Actor’s Studio where I caught James Lipton administering his ten questions at the end of his interview with Kevin Spacey. That’s my favorite part of that show, because it’s the only thing interesting that happens during the one-hour ass-kissing festival. As soon as Kevin Spacey answered the ten questions, and the audience present at the interview joined me in a few chuckles, I continued to flip channels.

Sure enough, there was Howard Dean and John Kerry coverage on CNN as they steamed through New Hampshire on their mighty campaigns. And then it all just ‘clicked’.

“If I were James Lipton, and I had to interview these politicians, what would I ask them?”

That thought, that internal question, has led me to this. G-d willing, should I get any response what-so-ever, I will post it here immediately. I never wanted to get political on this site, but I figured – what the hell.



Dear POLITICIAN,

My name is Benjamin Smash, and I represent Smash Magazine – a cultural commentary magazine based in the San Francisco Bay Area.

In anticipation of these 2004 Primaries, we’ve sent out a request to all our readers asking them, “If you can ask POLITICIAN one question, what would it be?”

The response from our readers was overwhelming, and insightful as well. What I’ve collected for you, POLITICIAN, is a list of our top ten questions our readers would like answered.

1. What's your favorite word?
2. What's your least favorite word?
3. What sound or noise do you love?
4. What sound or noise do you hate?
5. What turns you on?
6. What turns you off?
7. What's your favorite curse (word)?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to try?
9. What profession would you NEVER like to do?
10. If there is a heaven, what would you like to hear G-d say when you arrive?

Regardless if you answer them all or just a few, thank you for your time and best of luck in your campaign.

Sincerely,
Benjamin Smash
Senior Editor // Smash Magazine