Writes


Letters
Company Pen
Betting On Trump
How Many Toilets?
Lost Nickle
Dear Airline
Dear Senator Vasconcellos
Dear CBS
Dear Carolina Panthers
10 Questions From Americans
Dear Toys R Us...
Small On Top?
The Benjagon
Use Those Weather-Sticks
Einstein Didn’t Know His Barber Could Cook
I Want Your Clutter
Hello, Coca-Cola?
The Question About The Bill
10 Interview Questions


Dreams
Do I Own A Snake?
Fourth Is Enough
7 Year Living Room
Water Bowl
Overboard
Team 3D and The Finger
Coin Bringer
Turtle Dancing and Jell-O World
Team 3D vs. The French
Almost Spiderman
Killing The Old For Books
Closet Snake
Walking Out
Outside My Casino
Todd Took My Beer
Wednesdayding Lake
Vegas Clean Out
U.S. History Quiz in Tijuana
Uri and I vs. Lewis and Tyson
Team 3D 'Cleans' House
Shopping School
Talking to G-d in a Toy Aisle
Witness to a Dream
Bill Clinton's Pep Talk
Team 3D and the 3D Girls vs. The Purple Maori Theater Seat Thieves
North Africa vs. South Africa
Team 3D vs. The Invisible Yellow Llama -or- Zoo Island
Sparing Bonnie Hunt
Quarters for Dogs
Telling Her Off
Killing in Defense
Team 3D vs. The Ozone Blob
Mega Work Dream
Risking Life and Limb Over World War Two Germany
Pastry Bunnies
Dave and Ben vs. Ted Danson
Cory Car Club
Team 3D in New York
Yael's Book Opening Sword
Ten Foot Tall Piece of Fridayed Chicken
Web Hostage
Sky God
Team 3D vs. The Mall Wave
Nose Vines
U.F.I. Mining Town
Girls in Torture-land
Benjamin's Elevator Shaft Shower and the Golden Cross
Me, Kenn, Some Russian Guy, and Fire...
Team 3D vs. The Storm Crane
Two Dreams
Team 3D Detectives
Two Things Wrong
The Musical
A Shave and a Spot
Hawaii 500
Moving In
Japan's Crack Super Parachute Commando Squadron!

 
Fri, June 1, 2002
Team 3D 'Cleans' House
 
In a stereotypical haunted suburban house, the large, dusty, wood doors shut behind Kenn, Dave and myself. Standing in the downstairs lobby, facing a curving staircase winding its way up to the second floor, cobwebs on the banisters seemed flow in the wake of the doors' slamming behind us. We were there, were we 'on a job', and we knew that the work that needed be done was upstairs. We could hear the howling and wailing of our 'clients' one floor up, and so we made our way up the stairs.

There was plenty of creaking and rattling of things on walls, yet we made our way to the top regardless. We turned right, down the dust covered red carpeted hallway, and that's when the work began.

The ghosts came charging down the hallway towards us. I was on the right, Kenn was on the left, and Dave was just behind and between us. Kenn turns on his purple lightsaber and I turn on my blue one. Dave's got the green one, and he turns around to cover our backs. The ghosts grew in size the closer the got, and once in range they were nearly as big as us.

Kenn took his ghost out with a sweeping, downward strike, and I cut mine horizontally through the midsection. Both ghost 'deaths' were nothing really to write about - once seemingly solid apparitions, upon being struck down by a lightsaber, just dissipated like steam from a hot cup of tea.

This house was indeed haunted, and this was only the beginning. Down the hall we went, and every door we came upon one stood on either side, while the third kick the door in. From then on we just destroyed pretty much everything in every room - ghost or not.

Room by room, foot by foot, we made our way down the upstairs hallway. The further we managed to get, the thicker the opposition became. Ghosts charged us from the front and back, sometimes even trying to sneak up on us by descending through the ceiling above.

The end of the hallway was the master bedroom, and from the reports we had before going (funny how information makes itself available to you mid-dream) it was the epicenter of all the haunting.

It was Dave's turn to breech the door, so Kenn and I stood on either side, lightsabers at the ready. Dave kicked in the door. The instant it was opened we all heard relentless screams from the inside. Dave started swinging, ghosts started dying, and he battled his way in.

Just as Dave was in, and there was room enough behind him for another lightsaber to safely swing about, I went in. Shortly after me, Kenn. The humming of our strikes was altogether impressive, yet given the scenario it only seemed all the more hopeless. We split into three different direction, Dave still taking the center line. Kenn broke right and I broke left.

The room was dim, save the constantly moving glows from our weapons, and we were taking heavy beatings. Ghosts were swiping, quite sharply, at our faces and arms, and one rather large one, pretty much glued to, yet consuming most of, the floor was swiping at our legs. We each fell a couple times, and the larger of the ghosts were getting severely wounded, not killed.

The density of ghosts in the room began to grow, they were pouring in faster than we could kill them. So thick was the population, and so painful was our punishment, we began to swing aimlessly and powerful, knocking out walls and a couple support columns.

The roof above us and the walls around us begin to crumble. The ghosts either make a mad dash out of the room (why I don't know), or take one final try at us.

The ceiling gives, dust is forced at us in all directions in thick, un-breathable plumes. As if an invisible dome surrounded the encircled trio, the dust encircles us and never comes within three feet. The bits and pieces of heavy ceiling hit an invisible barrier above us, and then roll along it like marbles down a smooth slope. Kenn and I are confused, and we look inward to see Dave - black as shadow save the glow in his eyes and the gritting of his white teeth.

When the collapse finished, Dave switched back to 'normal', and then as if it were no big deal that he just harnessed all his living essence in order to reduce himself to a force-field generating shadow, he barked a battle cry at Kenn and myself, as well as the few remaining ghosts.

We charged back through the door we originally entered, and 'cleaned' our way back out of the house.