Every once in a while, my three oldest and best customers come in, and the four of us have lunch together, you know, to talk over old times. All three of them were tremendously huge celebrities in the 80's, and now they're just regular people. Each of them, however, still hold on to their fame tightly, and still believe that there might be a chance for them. One was a very popular talk-show host, the other an oscar-winning song-writer, and the third a flamboyantly gay fashion designer (lace gloves? string-bean ties? that was him). We finished our lunch together about 10 minutes before everyone was to show up. One of them was parked in a garage just down the block, so I walked them there. On the way to the garage, we were mentioning how we don't get together often enough. So, being spontaneous, we walked right back to the deli, right then and there, to meet for lunch again. Just for foolish fun. Why the hell not... When we get there, everyone that's going on my Tahoe trip was sitting around patiently, their meals in front of them, waiting for me. But here the kicker. There's an empty seat waiting for me. On one side was Lisa, my lovely bride-to-be, and on the other side was Heather, the most evil of all my ex-girlfriends. I take my seat, my three forgotten 80's celebrity friends sit at the bar to watch the whole thing unfold, and everyone else just watches me with waiting eyes, wondering what I'm going to do about Heather. As soon as I sit down, Heather unfolds her hands, and tries to hold the hands of those sitting next to her, and then begins to lead us all in prayer. I look at her, don't take her hand, and she begins anyway. Everyone, jaws wide open, look at at her, and then keep looking back at me - wanting me to do something. I pick up my pastrami sandwich, I look at everyone, and I bite into it - ignoring Heather's praying. As soon as she finishes praying, alone, she turns to me and asks me how things are going. I tell her that things are well, I lean back and direct her attention to Lisa. She already knows Lisa, but now I introduced her as my fiance. She asks where we're all going, or pretty much, why we're all here. I told her that we're getting together for lunch before we took off for a ski-trip to Tahoe. When she asks why she wasn't invited, I told her that it was a trip for friends only. Then she gets an evil look on her face and glares at all of us. "I went on the other trips, why aren't I going on this one!? You all thought you could sneak away on a trip without me!?" I sat there, took another bite of my sandwich that Lisa ordered me (and she ordered it perfect), and told her that she's not our friend anymore. She was shocked, and refused to believe it. "I'm not leaving until I hear it from everybody here," she comes back with. "Ok," I tell her, "I don't like you. You hurt me deeper than anyone has ever hurt me. Only after we broke, was I even able to see the pain you brought onto those that are close to me. You're an evil and manipulative person, and my life would be all the better if I never had to deal with surprise meetings with you, like this, again." She turns to Yael and waits for her response. Yael delivers a verdict so powerful and moving, the rest of the table raised their hands hoping Heather would call on them next so they could cut her up. And she did. Right around the table. One by one. From Idan's very short and brief "I don't like you because you're mean" answer, to Adina's 30 minute long butchering of Heather's character. All of this she richly deserves, and all of this we longed to tell her. When the last person finally spoke, she took a final bite of her sandwhich, did the prayers for after a meal, and then left. All the while, during her last bite and paryer, we continued eating and carried on with jokes and excitement in looking forward to the trip, while completely ignoring her. The end. |
