Writes


Letters
Company Pen
Betting On Trump
How Many Toilets?
Lost Nickle
Dear Airline
Dear Senator Vasconcellos
Dear CBS
Dear Carolina Panthers
10 Questions From Americans
Dear Toys R Us...
Small On Top?
The Benjagon
Use Those Weather-Sticks
Einstein Didn’t Know His Barber Could Cook
I Want Your Clutter
Hello, Coca-Cola?
The Question About The Bill
10 Interview Questions


Dreams
Do I Own A Snake?
Fourth Is Enough
7 Year Living Room
Water Bowl
Overboard
Team 3D and The Finger
Coin Bringer
Turtle Dancing and Jell-O World
Team 3D vs. The French
Almost Spiderman
Killing The Old For Books
Closet Snake
Walking Out
Outside My Casino
Todd Took My Beer
Wednesdayding Lake
Vegas Clean Out
U.S. History Quiz in Tijuana
Uri and I vs. Lewis and Tyson
Team 3D 'Cleans' House
Shopping School
Talking to G-d in a Toy Aisle
Witness to a Dream
Bill Clinton's Pep Talk
Team 3D and the 3D Girls vs. The Purple Maori Theater Seat Thieves
North Africa vs. South Africa
Team 3D vs. The Invisible Yellow Llama -or- Zoo Island
Sparing Bonnie Hunt
Quarters for Dogs
Telling Her Off
Killing in Defense
Team 3D vs. The Ozone Blob
Mega Work Dream
Risking Life and Limb Over World War Two Germany
Pastry Bunnies
Dave and Ben vs. Ted Danson
Cory Car Club
Team 3D in New York
Yael's Book Opening Sword
Ten Foot Tall Piece of Fridayed Chicken
Web Hostage
Sky God
Team 3D vs. The Mall Wave
Nose Vines
U.F.I. Mining Town
Girls in Torture-land
Benjamin's Elevator Shaft Shower and the Golden Cross
Me, Kenn, Some Russian Guy, and Fire...
Team 3D vs. The Storm Crane
Two Dreams
Team 3D Detectives
Two Things Wrong
The Musical
A Shave and a Spot
Hawaii 500
Moving In
Japan's Crack Super Parachute Commando Squadron!

 
Saturday, June 2, 2002
Uri and I vs. Lewis and Tyson
 
While the wives (Kara and Lisa) were out shopping somewhere in San Diego, the husbands (Uri and myself) were settling into our somewhat less-than-great seats in the Cox Sports Arena for the long awaited Lewis/Tyson fight. The promotional commercials for the fight were playing for months and created so much hype that when Uri got two free tickets from work Kara and Lisa didn't even try to interfere.

Uri and I dropped off the girls at the Fashion Valley Mall. It was the tenth anniversary of the mall's grand opening so we knew there was enough sales to keep them busy for the duration of the fight only ten minutes away.

Once in our seats, we brought forth the sunflower seeds and peanuts our beloveds put into bags small enough for us to smuggle into the arena in our pockets. As the first excited sunflower and peanut shells hit the round, the lights went dark, spotlights went on, and the crowd cheered as Lenox Lewis' entourage escorted him into the ring accompanied by his chant-like theme music. Once in the ring, he raised one fist and brought upon himself and even more heartfelt round of applause.

The lights went out again, but before the spotlights could come back on, the walls shook with hisses, boo's, and the total dislike for Mike Tyson. When the spotlights finally did come on for Tyson, there was already a barrage of garbage and drinks in flight, perfectly aimed to hit him.

Uri and I looked at each other and smiled, for we knew the atmosphere, not the fight, would last in our memories forever.

The instant Tyson was in the ring, he charged Lewis. Just before collision, he lowered the top of his head into Lewis' face. Lewis, taken completely by surprise, went down unconscious. During the split seconds of Lewis' descent to the canvas, Tyson let fly one right hook so powerful, that upon contact with Lewis' face, it snapped his neck and killed him before he reached the ground.

Uri and I were in shock - the food still yet to be swallowed in our mouths and throats making us feel sick. The crowd's cheers and boo's were instantly silenced, and then a storm of scream, crying, and wretching swelled. A riot quickly took form by the ring, and grew and grew, consuming the whole arena. Our confusion became fear, and that fear became fear for out lives.

Uri and I literally slugged, kicked, and fought our way out of the arena and made our way as quickly as possible to the car. Driving to the comfort and safety of our wives, we heard on the radio that Tyson was torn to pieces by the enraged mob shortly after killing Lewis.

When we finally found our ladies, we tried as best we could to explain all the events, the deaths, and the difficulty in getting back to them. They simply smiled, touched our cheeks as if to compliment our imaginations, and made us try on shirts.