Writes


Letters
Company Pen
Betting On Trump
How Many Toilets?
Lost Nickle
Dear Airline
Dear Senator Vasconcellos
Dear CBS
Dear Carolina Panthers
10 Questions From Americans
Dear Toys R Us...
Small On Top?
The Benjagon
Use Those Weather-Sticks
Einstein Didn’t Know His Barber Could Cook
I Want Your Clutter
Hello, Coca-Cola?
The Question About The Bill
10 Interview Questions


Dreams
Do I Own A Snake?
Fourth Is Enough
7 Year Living Room
Water Bowl
Overboard
Team 3D and The Finger
Coin Bringer
Turtle Dancing and Jell-O World
Team 3D vs. The French
Almost Spiderman
Killing The Old For Books
Closet Snake
Walking Out
Outside My Casino
Todd Took My Beer
Wednesdayding Lake
Vegas Clean Out
U.S. History Quiz in Tijuana
Uri and I vs. Lewis and Tyson
Team 3D 'Cleans' House
Shopping School
Talking to G-d in a Toy Aisle
Witness to a Dream
Bill Clinton's Pep Talk
Team 3D and the 3D Girls vs. The Purple Maori Theater Seat Thieves
North Africa vs. South Africa
Team 3D vs. The Invisible Yellow Llama -or- Zoo Island
Sparing Bonnie Hunt
Quarters for Dogs
Telling Her Off
Killing in Defense
Team 3D vs. The Ozone Blob
Mega Work Dream
Risking Life and Limb Over World War Two Germany
Pastry Bunnies
Dave and Ben vs. Ted Danson
Cory Car Club
Team 3D in New York
Yael's Book Opening Sword
Ten Foot Tall Piece of Fridayed Chicken
Web Hostage
Sky God
Team 3D vs. The Mall Wave
Nose Vines
U.F.I. Mining Town
Girls in Torture-land
Benjamin's Elevator Shaft Shower and the Golden Cross
Me, Kenn, Some Russian Guy, and Fire...
Team 3D vs. The Storm Crane
Two Dreams
Team 3D Detectives
Two Things Wrong
The Musical
A Shave and a Spot
Hawaii 500
Moving In
Japan's Crack Super Parachute Commando Squadron!

 
Fri, 22 Jun 2001
BENJAMIN'S ELEVATOR SHART SHOWER AND THE GOLDEN CROSS
 
The story opens with Lisa and I taking a shower, and do doing our regular morning routine. Shampoo, wash, face soap, wash, etc... Some splashing happens, which leads to some horsing around, which leads to my taking a teeny tiny fall, and banging my head against the wall.

As a result of the blast that was my Skull vs. Tiles, one tile pops off the wall, exposing something I never knew existed. An elevator shaft. And an elevator shaft that housed no ordinary elevator, but a glass elevator. Lisa and I tooks turns looking through the small, quare tile shaped hole, and saw people looking right back at us.

And, of course, dream logic being the infallable network of clear thoughts that it is, we didn't care, continued to mess around, and I fell completely, taking out the whole bottom half of the same tiled wall.

Funny thing about the glass elevator on the other side of the wall, it has no wall of its own to match the missing bottom half of my shower wall. This gave a clear point of entry to my shower from the elevator. And the people in the elevator took advantage of this and came into my shower.

Lisa and I didn't know what to think of it at first, people just coming into and out of my shower, not to stare at naked us, but simply just for the experience of being in my shower.

Time, just like logic, in dreams, makes no sense, and I experience days of people coming in and out of my shower. I wake up at night only to find more people coming in and out of my shower, and there's nothing I can do about it. They just won't stop.

Having finally had enough of it, however, I get in my shower and wait for the next elevator to arrive so I can see where all these people are coming from. When the elevator finally arrives, I go in with all the tourists, and wait for the next stop.

The next stop is one floor up, and I'm the first to step out the door. I look back, and the elevator is empty, and closes its doors. I'm in an odd room with red velvet walls, lit only by candlelight and one big fireplace. I learn quickly that this room is indeed another full apartment above mine, and I head straight for the bathroom, hoping to find another elevator.

I end up in the bathroom, but where a shower should be, I see a stove. The woman who lives in the apartment finds me and threatens me to leave. She's an older woman in her late 40s, early 50s, yet still rather attractive, wearing a dress that matches the material used on her walls.

"Stay away," she keeps telling me. "Leave from where you came!"

I refused. Since I believed her to be responsible for sending tourists into my shower, I tore her stove apart, and found out that it, too, was yet another hole in the wall that led to another elevator shaft. Something, however, was wedged tightly in the hole.

A thick and heavy green blanket wrapped around something, well, big. I grabbed it and unwrapped it, only to find a huge, thick, golden cross that was broken in two; diagonally through its intersection.

Upon my discovery of this relic, the woman told me that I don't know what I've just done, and told me to put it back, and blah blah blah... Underneath the green blanket that clothed the cross, there was a very ornate, golden case. The cross, when whole, slid in to the case perfectly. I slid in the bottom part, and then the top part avobe it. They kind of 'snapped' toghether, and I closed the case.

I grabbed a brick from within the hole, and threatened to bash the woman with it if she didn't get out of my way. I cautiously made it back to the elevator I came from and just waited for the next one.

And that's where it ended. Hot diggity it was creepy. Especially the fact that a nice Jewish boy like me was dreaming about a golden cross. NEAT!