From: "mazina jo" drjmhpcv@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: ATTENTION PLEASE
Date: Fri, 08 Dec 2006 16:21:54 +0000
Dear Friend,
I am a staff of National West minister Bank which is affiliated with
Chartered Bank PLC. In my office we discovered an abandoned sum of 10.5
million U.S. Dollars (Ten million five hundred thousand u.s dollars) in an
account that belongs to one of our foreign customers Late Mr.Thomson Moris
of your country who unfortunately lost his life in the plane crash of Alaska
Airlines Flight 261 which crashed on january 31 2000, including his wife and
only dughter.You can take a look at this:
http://archives.cnn.com/2000/US/02/01/alaska.airlines.list/. Since we got
information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin or
relatives to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it
unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as
indicated in our banking guidelines.
Unfortunately I learnt that his supposed next of kin being his only daughter
died along with him in the plane crash leaving nobody with the knowledge of
this fund behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I
and two other officials in this department now decided to make business with
you and release the money to you as the next of kin or beneficiary of the
funds for safety keeping and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming
for it and we don't want this money to go back into Government treasury as
unclaimed bill. The banking law and guidelines here stipulates that such
money remained after seven years the money will be transferred into banking
treasury as unclaimed funds.
We agreed that 35% of this money will be for you as foreign partner, while
the balance will be for me and my colleagues. I will visit your country for
the disbursement according to the percentages indicated above once this
money gets into your account. Please be honest to me and trust is our
watchword in this transaction. Note this transaction is confidential and
risk free. As soon as you receive this mail you should contact me by return
mail. Please note that all necessary arrangement for the smooth release of
these funds to you has been finalized and we also have procured all legal
documentations that can be used to back this claim. We will discuss much in
details when I do receive your response. Please in your response include
your telephone number so that i can give you a call to explain better.
Best regards,
Dr. J. Mazina
PLEASE REPLY ME WITH MY PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS: drmazinaj@sify.com
Date: Sun, 10 Dec 2006 07:40:18 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: RE: ATTENTION PLEASE
To: drmazinaj@sify.com
Dr. J. Mazina,
The story about Mr.Thomson Moris of my country and his wife and only daughter is a sad story. It makes my heart ache and I am filled with the need to help out in any way.
What can I do to help? I will be honest and trust will be my watchword.
Sincerely,
John F. Reed - Adult Film Star
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: RE: ATTENTION PLEASE
Date: Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:50:14 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John Reed,
Thank you very much for your urgent response to mymail. I appreciate your concern. As a matter of fact, the reason why Icontacted you is because I have not been able to locate any of my latecustomer's family member since his death and if I fail to present anext of kin before the expiration of the ultimatum given, the money hedeposited would be forfeited.
Therefore, I am pleading with you tokindly allow me to use your name in filing the claims for this fund andby so doing you will act as next of
kin/beneficiary. Please be informedthat I will back you up for the claims with all the legal documents toauthenticate the legitimacy of your claims, hence there will be noproblem during and after the transaction as the fund would be transferedto your account.
However, I cannot do this alone without yourassistance because you will be of immense help to ensure that this claimis successful. In other words our success solely depends on team work,mutual co-operation and understanding bearing in mind that you and Istand to make a fortune
from this transaction. Just be rest assuredthat everything would be done legally and there would be no breach ofthe law. I want to assure you that this transaction is 100% risk free.
I will however like to highlight the ways and approaches that would beused. But before I commence, I will advise that you take thistransaction very seriously becuase we have finalised all necessarymodalities for the smooth release of the money to you as soon as bankcontacts you and respond to them immediately.
Upon your positiveresponse to this mail, I will give you additional information. However,I will like you to know that there is a lawyer who will represent youhere for the claim He is the person to notify bank of you as the next ofkin to my late customer and that you are the bonafide next of kin toinherit the money. Therefore the Information that is needed are asfollow;
1. Full Name
2. Address
3. Age
4. Sex
5. Marital Status
6.Telephone Number/Fax
7. Occupation
These would enable the lawyerprepare the application he will send to bank on your behalf, which hewill also send you a copy of the application text and their contact soyou can also send it to them by email or Fax.
With the aboveinformation also, he will use same to apply for a Sworn Affidavit withthe High Court. The affidavit will give you the legal status to act asthe next of kin/beneficiary to my late customer. This is to ensure thatall Rights and Privileges of Late customer would be transferred to youas the next of kin/Beneficiary. This Sworn Affidavit is a legal documentthat would give you the legal status to receive the funds.
Uponprocesses for the affidavit for the transfer of Rights and Privileges toyour name at the High Court, he shall apply officially with thenecessary documents to the bank for the approval, signing of the FundRelease Order and subsequent transfer of the funds to you. Apart fromthe Sworn Affidavit, he shall also as your attorney submit to the bankthe following documents:
a. Death Certificate of my late customer.
b.Deposit Certificate of my late customer.
I believe that with theinformation stated above I will be able to file up for the claim withthe bank and we shall then await their response. Please you can call meon +447011148106, for further clarifications and for us to establish aline of communication.
And note that everything concerning thistransaction which you and I are about to undertake must be takenseriously and confidential until you get the funds transferred intoyou. Thanks and I await your reply.
Dr. Mazina
Date: Mon, 11 Dec 2006 11:08:59 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: ATTENTION PLEASE
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dr.Mazina,
Your situation is a sad one and I don't like it when my friends are sad. I hope you don't mind that you are my friend. You are my friend.
I want to help you and I want to let you use my name in filing the claims for this fund. I am ready to act as the kin/beneficiary. I feel safe knowing that you will back me up for the claims and all the legal documents to authenticate the legitimacy of the claims.
I feel secure knowing that there is a lawyer ready to represent me for the claim. Here is the information he needs:
1. John Francis Reed
2. 16530 Ventura Blvd. #500 Encino, CA 91436
3. 39 years old
4. Male
5. Married to three women
6. (212)867-5309
7. Philosopher
Keep me informed. I want to help. I've been looking for a way out of this Philosopher business and it's hard and the money I would make will help.
Spoon,
John F. Reed - Yellow, Red, and everything between
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: information received
Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2006 16:59:58 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Thank you once again for your reply to my email. I'm veryhappy to hear from you. I have received your information and i haveforwarded it to the attorney representing you here thereafter he willsubmit it to bank with the application of claim. Bank will contact youto effect payment to you as soon as the receive your information fromthe attorney. Please do let me know when you are contacted.
Dr.Mazina
+447011148106.
Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2006 05:55:12 -0800 (PST)
From: "rotimi harry" barrotimi@yahoo.com
Subject: FROM ATTORNEY
To: johnfrancisreed@yahoo.com
FROM EQUITY LAW CHAMBERS
12th December, 2006.
RE : ENGAGING OUR SERVICES
CAUTION;
The information contained in this communication is confidential, it is intended for the use of the addressee, maybe attorney's client privileged, may contain inside information. Unauthorized copying or disclosure is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error please notify the sender immediately.
TO MR. JOHN REED FRANCIS,
SIR,
I'M YOUR COUNCEL (ATTORNEY) REPRESENTING YOU HERE. I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION AND ALL DOCUMENTATIONS FOR THIS CLAIM TO BE LEGITIMATELY AUTHENTICATED IN YOUR FAVOUR. I HAVE ACCORDINGLY BY THIS DAY FORWARDED YOUR INFORMATION/AND AN APPLICATION OF CLAIM OF FUND TO BANK REQUESTING THEM TO EFFECT PAYMENT TO YOU AS YOUR "INHERITANCE" AS THE BONAFIDE NEXT OF KIN (BENEFICIARY) TO THEIR DECEASED CUSTOMER. BANK WILL CONTACT YOU TO EFFECT PAYMENT TO YOU FOR THE CLAIMS AS SOON AS THEY ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION AND AN APPLICATION OF CLAIM OF FUND WHICH I HAVE PRESENTED TO THEM IN PERSON TODAY;
ENSURE YOU FORWARD TO ME WHATEVER BANK SENDS TO YOU BY EMAIL FOR APPROPRIATE ADVISE.
BEST REGARDS.
HON. BARRISTER HARRY R. (ESQ)
( SOLICITOR AND ADVOCATE PRINCIPAL PARTNER EQUITY LAW CHAMBERS LONDON ENGLAND )
165, EDWARD ROAD LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM.
Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2006 09:52:45 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: FROM ATTORNEY
To: "rotimi harry" barrotimi@yahoo.com
CAUTION:
My name is John Francis Reed. My name is NOT John Reed Francis. John Reed Francis is my neighbor across the street. He has the same Louisiana Bluegrass lawn that I have. He has the same Ecuadorian Roses in his rosebushes that I have. I bought a John Deer mower, so he did. I bought a replica of the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazzard television program, so he did. John Reed Francis is not to be trusted!
If you want to do further business with me, GET MY NAME RIGHT! My name is John Francis Reed!
I am not that son of a bitch John Reed Francis across the street who painted his window frames off-beige because I had painted my window frames off-beige.
JOHN FRANCIS REED!
Please get it right, Honorable Barrister Harry R. Esquire. Get my name right and we will do business.
Sincerely,
JOHN FRANCIS REED - JFR not JRF
Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2006 10:04:14 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: information received
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear Dr. Mazina Jo,
I wish I could say that I am happy. I wish I could. But I am not. I am going to try to wish that I was happy right now. Here I go.
*wish*
No. I am not happy. I am very, very, VERY angry.
I got an email from Hon. Barrister Harry R. (ESQ) and I am enraged. He got my name wrong. The Reed family name is an ancient and proud family name. A REED cleared the field the Wright Brothers flew over. A REED waxed the limousine John F. Kennedy drove in. A REED swept the streets of New York for 37 YEARS!
Hon. Barrister Harry R. (ESQ) had the nerve to call me John Reed Francis, which is horrible because we all know that John Reed Francis is that no good weasle that lives across the street from me. My wife bought me a blue shirt, so he sent his wife to by him a blue shirt. My dog defecated on his lawn, so he had his dog defecate on his lawn. I'm almost embarrased to say it - but he wears the same toupe that I wear too!
I DEMAND YOU GET MY NAME CORRECT AND THAT YOUR LAWYER GET MY NAME CORRECT TOO!
My name is John Francis Reed! My name is not John Reed Francis!
I want to do business with you but ONLY IF YOU GET MY NAME RIGHT!
Happy baby,
John F. Reed - NOT John R. Francis
ps - Sorry I got so angry but I just ran out of wood.
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2006 03:49:54 -0800 (PST)
From: "rotimi harry" barrotimi@yahoo.com
Subject: LETTER OF APOLOGY(FROM ATTORNEY)
To: "John Reed"
FROM EQUITY LAW CHAMBERS
13th December, 2006.
ATTN: JOHN FRANCIS REED,
RE: LETTER OF APOLOGY
WITH REFERENCE TO YOUR EMAIL FOR THE MISPLACEMENT OF YOUR HONOURABLE NAME, I DO HEREBY, OFFICIALY, SUBMIT MY SINCERE APOLOGY BEFORE YOU. HENCEFORTH, SIR, I SHALL ADDRESS YOU AS JOHN FRANCIS REED. PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY.
HON. BARRISTER HARRY R. (ESQ)
(SOLICITOR AND ADVOCATE PRINCIPAL PARTNER EQUITY LAW CHAMBERS LONDON ENGLAND) 165, EDWARD ROAD LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM.
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: information received
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2006 15:58:31 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
I'm sorry that the attorney did this to you. I have aswell sent the message accross to him to make necessary corrections withimmediate effect.
I apologise!
Dr. mazina
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2006 08:57:39 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: information received
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear Dr. Mazina Jo,
I am mad the attorney did this to me as well. I am happy you sent him a message to make necessary corrections. I HOPE THE EFFECT IS IMMEDIATE!
But I am happy now and wish to continue doing business with you. All three of my wives tried to console me - and it worked. If you know what I'm saying...
awww yeah
Please let us put this chapter in our relationship behind us and get back to doing business so the transaction can proceed.
In my country is it customary to offer someone compensation for being so greatly insulted. I want you to think of something great to give me in order to keep me as a partner.
Thank you for understanding. You are a good person.
I await my compensation,
John F. Reed - Pornographer
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2006 09:02:02 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: LETTER OF APOLOGY(FROM ATTORNEY)
To: "rotimi harry" barrotimi@yahoo.com
ATTN: HON. BARRISTER HARRY R. (ESQ)
RE: RE: LETTER OF APOLOGY(FROM ATTORNEY)
I WAS GREATLY INSULTED AND I DEMAND COMPENSATION TO RESTORE MY HONOR.
HENCEFORTH I WILL CONTINUE TO ENGAGE IN THIS TRANSACTION. I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY AND I KNOW YOU WILL DO A GOOD JOB AS MY COUNCEL REPRESENTING ME.
I demand compensation. I require photographs of the 'hospitality' local to your law chambers, if you know what I'm saying.
awww yeah
Thank you for apologizing and I look forward to completing this transaction to allow investing in my country.
Golden Grahams,
John F. Reed - Riboflavin
Date: Thu, 14 Dec 2006 12:58:33 +0000 (GMT)
From: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND TRANSFER PROCESSING REQUIREMENTS(FROM BANK,LONDON)
To: johnfrancisreed@yahoo.com
Attn: Mr. John Francis Reed,
Sir,
This is to inform you that we have received all instructions from National West Minister Bank, your principal, to attend to you in the processing and liquidation of your entitlement via our Online payment services. Or, for a direct transfer into your account in your country, please attached is a beneficiary information form which should be printed to be filled and scanned to send back to us to enable us effect payment to you immediately.
However, for official purposes and final authentication to be completed, you are required to furnish us the following:
1. Your Personal Identification (Copy of your International Passport, Driver's License, Personal or Company ID Card.)
2. Quote to us, your Principal Amount to be transfered to you.
3. Your Direct Telephone Numbers for effective communication.
The above requested information should be sent to reach us by email or fax within 48 business hours. Our fax number is: +(44)7950-008-1006 or Send to our departmental email address: remittance_dept@charfs.com or accountsprocessing@charfs.com;
On receipt of the above information, we shall do the needful and advise you further on how to open an online account with us for the liquidation of your entitlement into it to enable an onward transfer through your account with us, as you may desire to any other designated account of your choice Worldwide. Or, as you may wish for a direct transfer into your account in your country, you are advised to adhere strickly to fill the benficiary information form and send back to us accordingly.
We wait for your prompt reciprocation to this advise, as it will help us to conclude this exercise as urgently as required.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Danny Smith (Mr.) Customer Support,
CHARETERED FINANCE AND SECURITIES PLC LONDON.
Date: Fri, 15 Dec 2006 09:47:59 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND TRANSFER PROCESSING REQUIREMENTS(FROM BANK,LONDON)
To: remittance_dept@charfs.com, accountsprocessing@charfs.com
To whomever it may concern,
I am attaching the requested identification and filled out form plus my official request for the sum of $11,500,000 (USD) to be transferred to me. Once the transfer is complete I will send 15% to one Mr. Benson Boyd as a finders fee.
I look forward to your further instruction.
Please do the needful to advise me onward through the transfer to my account.
Pasta in Kansas,
John F. Reed - SPCA, Cartographer
Date: Sat, 16 Dec 2006 12:43:34 +0000 (GMT)
From: "postmaster@ charfs.com"
Subject: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: johnfrancisreed@yahoo.com
ATTN: MR. JOHN FRANCIS REED,
SIR,
FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
WE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION AS YOU FORWARDED TO US BY EMAIL. WE ARE PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY PROCESSED YOUR PAYMENT AND IT HAS BEEN RELEASED TO TRANSFER THE FOLLOWING FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY, AMERICA;
(1) CALCULATED INTEREST: $1.5 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS(ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS)
(2) INSURANCE BENEFIT: $500,000.00 U.S. DOLLARS(FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS)
(3) FIXED DEPOSIT: $10.5 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS(TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS)
TOTAL: $12.5 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS(TWELVE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS). PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT THE TOTAL AMOUNT TO BE TRANSFERED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT IS $12.5 MILLION U.S.DOLLARS. FIND ATTACHMENT OF THE APPROVAL PAPER ENCLOSED. CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU ARE ALSO REQUIRED TO RECONFIRM YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION TO US;
(1) BANK: LARGE BANK OF SWITZERLAND.
(2) ACCOUNT NUMBER: 0013008977393.
(3) SWIFT CODE: 3675.
(4) ROUTING NUMBER: C11CS2.
NOTE HERE THAT THE ACCOUNT IN WHICH YOUR INHERITED FUND IS WITH US HAS BEEN DORMANT FOR 5(FIVE)YEARS AND NEEDS TO BE REACTIVATED TO ENABLE US EFFECT FUND TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY. YOU ARE THEREFORE ADVISED TO REACTIVATE THE ACCOUNT OF THE DECEASED FOR WHICH YOU ARE OUR CONFIDANT BENEFICIARY(NEXT OF KIN). YOU ARE TO MAKE THE FOLLOWING PAYMENT TO BANK IMMEDIATELY;
(1) REACTIVATION OF ACCOUNT AND TRANSFER COST; TOTAL :£470.00 (FOUR HUNDRED AND SEVENTY BRITISH POUNDS STERLING).
THIS FEE IS TO BE PAID TO CHARTERED AND FINANCE SECURITIES BANK PLC, LONDON. YOU ARE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT IN THE NAME OF THE SECRETARY TO THE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.
(1) NAME: REX NEWMAN
(2) DESTINATION: LONDON
(3) MODE OF PAYMENT: WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR MONEYGRAM.
(4) QUESTION: WHAT IS HIS JOB?
(5) ANSWER: SECRETARY.
MAKE PAYMENT AND SEND INFORMATION TO BANK WITH THE CONTROL NUMBER AND OTHER NECESSARY DETAILS.
ALL CORRESPONDENCE TO REACH US BY THE EMAIL ADDRESS: remittance_dept@charfs.com ;
Thank you.
YOURS SINCERELY,
Danny Smith (Mr.)Customer Support.,
CHARETERED FINANCE AND SECURITIES PLC, LONDON.
Date: Mon, 18 Dec 2006 17:38:27 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: postmaster@charfs.com
My Beloved Danny Smith,
Attached to this email is a digital scan of the check that I have written for 470 pounds to a Mr. Rex Newman.
You did not give me an address to mail this check to. Give me the address and I will mail this check immediately. I included a scan of the check to prove to you that I am honorable and honest. Truth is my password!
Send me the adress and I will mail the check and Rex Newman can proceed with releasing the funds for the transaction.
Ceasar,
John F. Reed - Dry Erase Board
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: let me hear from you
Date: Mon, 18 Dec 2006 20:47:25 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Sequel to my last email to you, i asked you to update meif bank has contacted you as the lawyer has told me earlier that he hasfinalised all authentication with bank and that he has mandated them tocontact you immediately to make payment to you. Please let me know sothat we can proceed accordingly.
Dr. Mazina
+447011148106.
Date: Mon, 18 Dec 2006 17:46:26 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
My Darling Mazina Jo,
The bank has contacted me and I have contacted the right back. They told me to remit something to them, and I remitted it to them, and then they asked me to remit it again and I told them that I had already remitted it and they haven't responded back with a sequel.
I have a check written and ready to send to the bank to begin the releasing of the funds. If you do not mind, I would like to send you a check as well as a way to say thank you for putting all this together. You are a great woman, Mazina Jo, and I dream of meeting you often.
I tried calling your number -447011106148, but there was no answer. Please tell me how I dialed it wrong so we can proceed.
Master Debater,
John F. Reed - Scotch Tape
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Tue, 19 Dec 2006 13:48:00 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo"
Dear John,
Thank you for your email. First and foremost i would likeyou to forward to me all contacts you have received from bank for myperusal. As well i urge you to respond to bank accordingly so that theywill make transfer to you immediately. I do not need the check from youplease use it to respond to bank.
My phone is +447011148106.
Hopingto hear from you soon.
Dr. Mazina
Date: Tue, 19 Dec 2006 14:25:55 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo"
Oh Mazina,
Did you get the email of all my contacts received from the bank for your perusal?
Please let me send you a check. The bank says it doesn't want my check - only a direct wire transfer - so now there is this check just sitting around. Do you want it?
I keep trying to call you at +447011148107, but it never works. Something tells me that you don't want my business or my money. Is this true?
On a side note, do you know where I can rent a monkey?
Meeting in five minutes,
John F. Reed - RB218-Bug
Date: Tue, 19 Dec 2006 13:40:31 +0000 (GMT)
From: "postmaster@ charfs.com"
Subject: FROM BANK, LONDON
To: johnfrancisreed@yahoo.com
Attn: Mr. John Francis Reed,
Sir,
We thank you for your mail. We want to bring to your
notice that we do not accept "CHECK" for payment of
bank charges. You are therefore required to follow
strickly our instructions to send the charges to reach
us by western union money transfer or moneygram using
the information we sent you earlier. This is to enable
us commence transfer of your money to you without
further delay.
ALL CORRESPONDENCE TO REACH US BY THE EMAIL ADDRESS:
remittance_dept@charfs.com ;
Thank you.
YOURS SINCERELY,
Danny Smith (Mr.)Customer Support.,
CHARETERED FINANCE AND SECURITIES PLC, LONDON.
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: get back to me please
Date: Thu, 21 Dec 2006 15:02:29 +0600 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
What happened as i did not get to hear from you inspite myseveral emails to you. Let me know how far you have gone in respondingto bank. As you know that this transaction is aimed to be successfullyconcluded before the year runs out, please i urge you to respond to bankwithout further delay.
Dr. Mazina
+447011148106.
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: let me hear from you
Date: Fri, 22 Dec 2006 14:30:24 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
I have been sending emails without you responding. Kindlylet me know what you are up to in this transaction as it does notdelay.
Dr. Mazina
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Fri, 29 Dec 2006 23:15:20 +0600 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
I want to wish you a merry christmas and happy newyear. I wonder why i have not heard from you lately. Have you been ableto respond to bank as they required from you? Please let me know so thatwe can proceed with this transaction otherwise if you are no longerinterested let me know so that i look out for someone else capable tohandle it with me.
Dr. Mazina
+447011148106.
Date: Wed, 3 Jan 2007 15:51:43 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Mekka Lekka Hi Mezina,
I'm sorry I haven't responded. I was away in Switzerland on business. No Christmas or New Years for me - just business. Because that's the kind of guy I am - all business, all the time.
Once I tried to have a day of no business, but I quickly found myself bored and even though there were plenty more girls to go through at the Bunny Ranch I got dressed and returned to what I do best - and that's business.
I know we have business between us and I want to complete out business because that's what I do, I'm a business man and I do business.
Please tell me what more I need to do in order for us to complete our business.
Busy with business,
John F.Reed - World Champion Business Mas as recognized by the World Championship Business Man Competition Association (WCBMCA)
(Not associated with the World Championship Business Woman Competition Association (WCBWCA))
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Thu, 04 Jan 2007 21:16:40 +0600 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Thanks for your email. You only need to respond to bankwith their charges so that bank will proceed to make the transfer to youimmediately. Make payment of bank charges to bank and as soon as youhave done that do let the attorney to know so that he will mandate bankto make transfer into your account immediately.
Dr.Mazina
+447011148106.
Date: Thu, 4 Jan 2007 08:55:19 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dr.
Mazina,
You are welcome for my email. If my emailing you makes you happy then you must be jumping for joy right now because right now you're reading another email from me, John Francis Reed.
I can't find the email from the bank. Can you send it to me again? If you send it to me again I will send them the charges and mandate it all up the wazoo. It's a new year and I want to start this over nice and fresh and get it over with so I can have a very prosperous new year full of investments.
They have giant mice in Anaheim.
Mickey,
John F. Reed - Mousketeer
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Fri, 05 Jan 2007 17:36:04 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Thank you for your reply to my email.
I advise that youemail bank and ask them to resend it to you or you ask the attorney toget it from bank and send to you. Please ensure to have this donewithout further delay. Bank's email address isremittance_dept@charfs.com ;
Dr.Mazina
+447011148106.
Date: Fri, 5 Jan 2007 10:14:44 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Please resend
To: remittance_dept@charfs.com
Dear Charfs Bank,
My good firend Dr. Mazino Jo told me to tell you to resend it.
She also told me to tell you that if you don't she'll ask her attorney to get it from you.
I need this done without further delay or Dr. Mazina Jo will go on a murderous rampage and won't stop until everything within a two kilometer radius is either dead or burned to the ground.
Please resend it or I fear the worst.
Dihydrogen Monoxide,
John F. Reed - Aqualad
Date: Fri, 5 Jan 2007 10:23:13 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dr.Mazina Jo,
I have contacted the bank immediately as you requested and I will let you know what they say when they say it because, as you know, I'm a business man. That's all I know.
Business.
Right now, I'm doing business. When I'm done writing you I'm going to do even MORE business. And after I do that business I'm going to do even more business because that's what I do - I'm a business man.
My next business opportunity is created an agent that will rid the world of the chemical Dihydrogen Monoxide. Our rivers, our lakes, even our great oceans are FILLED with Dihydrogen Monoxide and we need to do something about it.
Stay away from Dihydrogen Monoxide!
If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?
Mississippi,
John F. Reed - Flag Maker, Heart Breaker
Date: Sat, 6 Jan 2007 03:08:18 +0000 (GMT)
From: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re:please resend
To: johnfrancisreed@yahoo.com
Attn: Mr. John Francis Reed,
Sir,
We thank you for your mail. Kindly state categorically what you want us to resend to you. We will endeavour to respond to you immediately you clerify this.
All replies to reach us with our departmental email address: remittance_dept@charfs.com.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Mr. Danny Smith(Chartered Finance And Securities Plc, London)
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Sat, 06 Jan 2007 16:21:58 +0600 (IST)
From: drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Thank you for contacting bank in this regard. I will beexpecting to hear from you as soon as they get back to you.
Dr.Mazina
Date: Sun, 7 Jan 2007 07:44:22 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re:please resend
To: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Dear Most Fantastic Bank,
Like I said before, you have to send 'it' to me. Dr. Mazina Jo (this is a DOCTOR we're talking about) said that you have to send 'it' to me. She also said that if you do not send 'it' to me then her lawyer will contact you and make you send 'it' to me.
I am an international award winning businessman, having won awards both for the amount of business that I do and how serious I am about business. I am very serious about doing business because I am a businessman that does business all day, all night, and while I brush my teeth.
Please send 'it' to me immediately. Contact Dr. Mazina Jo (drmazinaj@sify.com) for further information.
I AM TOO BUSY WITH DOING BUSINESS TO GO BACK AND FORTH!
I stubbed my toe,
John F. Reed - Nine Toes Left
Date: Sun, 7 Jan 2007 07:47:18 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: drmazinaj@sify.com
Sexy Mazina,
The bank contacted me and said they do not know what to send me. I told them to send it to me, and they told me they don't know what to send me.
I gave them your contact information and told them that I am too busy with doing business to play these games. I also told them that I stubbed my toe, but that I still have nine toes left.
I could have only seven toes left and I'd still do great amounts of business. If I had only six toes left my business production would be less - I think you know why.
CONTACT ME WHEN THEY CONTACT YOU SO I CAN CONTACT THEM AND YOU AGAIN!
I fold paper,
John F. Reed - Lights and Stamps
Date: Mon, 8 Jan 2007 12:04:31 +0000 (GMT)
From: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Fwd: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: johnfrancisreed@yahoo.com
ATTN: MR. JOHN FRANCIS REED,
SIR,
FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
WE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION AS YOU FORWARDED TO US BY EMAIL. WE ARE PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY PROCESSED YOUR PAYMENT AND IT HAS BEEN RELEASED TO TRANSFER THE FOLLOWING FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY, AMERICA;
(1) CALCULATED INTEREST: $1.5 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS(ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS)
(2) INSURANCE BENEFIT: $500,000.00 U.S. DOLLARS(FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS)
(3) FIXED DEPOSIT: $10.5 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS(TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS)
TOTAL: $12.5 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS(TWELVE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS). PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT THE TOTAL AMOUNT TO BE TRANSFERED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT IS $12.5 MILLION U.S.DOLLARS. FIND ATTACHMENT OF THE APPROVAL PAPER ENCLOSED. CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU ARE ALSO REQUIRED TO RECONFIRM YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION TO US;
(1) BANK: LARGE BANK OF SWITZERLAND.
(2) ACCOUNT NUMBER: 0013008977393.
(3) SWIFT CODE: 3675.
(4) ROUTING NUMBER: C11CS2.
NOTE HERE THAT THE ACCOUNT IN WHICH YOUR INHERITED FUND IS WITH US HAS BEEN DORMANT FOR 5(FIVE)YEARS AND NEEDS TO BE REACTIVATED TO ENABLE US EFFECT FUND TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT IMMEDIATELY. YOU ARE THEREFORE ADVISED TO REACTIVATE THE ACCOUNT OF THE DECEASED FOR WHICH YOU ARE OUR CONFIDANT BENEFICIARY(NEXT OF KIN). YOU ARE TO MAKE THE FOLLOWING PAYMENT TO BANK IMMEDIATELY;
(1) REACTIVATION OF ACCOUNT AND TRANSFER COST; TOTAL :£470.00 (FOUR HUNDRED AND SEVENTY BRITISH POUNDS STERLING).
THIS FEE IS TO BE PAID TO CHARTERED AND FINANCE SECURITIES BANK PLC, LONDON. YOU ARE TO MAKE THE PAYMENT IN THE NAME OF THE SECRETARY TO THE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.
(1) NAME: REX NEWMAN
(2) DESTINATION: LONDON
(3) MODE OF PAYMENT: WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR MONEYGRAM.
(4) QUESTION: WHAT IS HIS JOB?
(5) ANSWER: SECRETARY.
MAKE PAYMENT AND SEND INFORMATION TO BANK WITH THE CONTROL NUMBER AND OTHER NECESSARY DETAILS.
ALL CORRESPONDENCE TO REACH US BY THE EMAIL ADDRESS: remittance_dept@charfs.com ;
Thank you.
YOURS SINCERELY,
Danny Smith (Mr.)Customer Support.,
CHARETERED FINANCE AND SECURITIES PLC, LONDON.
Date: Mon, 8 Jan 2007 20:53:42 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: drmazinaj@sify.com
Dr. Mazina Jo,
The bank wrote me back and sent me copies of the forms I sent them that they sent me. I attached copies of the forms they sent me that I sent them that they sent me.
I hope you find everything in order. I am a business man and I make sure that all business is accounted for and checked and monitored and homogenized and legal and secure and represented via proper reputable representation in situations requiring representation of representable representatives.
I can also ice sculpt a man sculpting an ice sculpture. I have won awards for my ice sculptures - an activity I partake in when I'm not fully doing business. I am a business man first and an ice sculpter second - yet I'm still doing business when I'm sculpting ice.
I hope you find the forms in order. The bank wants me to send a wire transfer. Should I send the wire transfer? Can I trust the bank? Are you sure this is secure.
Please reassure me.
Five bucks,
John F. Reed - Master Cold Ice Sculptor - 1st Class
Apprentice Hot Ice Sculptor - 3rd Grade, Fecal Level
Date: Mon, 8 Jan 2007 21:01:14 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: Fwd: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Dear Bank,
I sent all the copies of the forms that I sent you that you sent me to my business parter. As you well know I am a world class business man and that means I have a partner with whom I do business with forthwith, therefore, further more, etcetera, suma kum laudie.
You requested a wire transfer of 470 pounds STERLING. I am consulting my partner about this now. If she says that I should give you the transfer then I will do it immediately - because that's how I roll. I move fast, too fast for some to even notice. Do you want to know why? I'll tell you. It's because I do business all day, I do business all night, and right now I'm doing business. As we all know - in business you have to be fast. (I just wrote all that in three seconds because I'm so fast)
I am still discussing the 470 pounds with my partner. Should I send you the wire transfer? I'm still discussing it. That's how I do things. With discussion in meetings because I'm a business man.
Can I send 500 pounds instead? 500 is a lucky number for me.
Cordouroy,
John F. Reed - Pants With A Draw-String Belt
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Tue, 09 Jan 2007 12:30:48 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Thanks for the information forwarded to me. I'm delightedto hear from you. I want to believe that everything is in order so goahead and wire the money to bank to empower them commence transfer toyou immediately.
Dr. Mazina
Date: Wed, 10 Jan 2007 09:10:44 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: Fwd: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: postmaster@charfs.com, charfs1@yahoo.co.uk, remittance_dept@charfs.com
Attention Charfs,
Under the cool and calm and brilliant and wonderful and sometimes scary and often jubilant and regularly joyful and occasionally pushy guidance of my good, clean, upbeat, happy, never scheming or lying, darling confidant and friend and associate Dr. Mazina Jo - I have decided to proceed with the wire transfer.
Attached is a scan of the fund transfer form I filled out, by my own hand, just yesterday, in person in the main branch of my main bank in Switzerland.
Please let me know when all the funds are transfered to you so the large sum of funds can be transfered to me.
I love doing business. I'm a business man, or as they say in Belize, "a man of business".
I hope you have received all forms.
Tie Advanced,
John F. Reed - 401k
Date: Wed, 10 Jan 2007 09:15:24 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear Doctor Mazina Jo,
I have gone ahead with the wire transfer to the bank. Attached is a photo scan of the form I filled out by hand, IN SWITZERLAND, just yesterday.
I flew there just for this special event because if I did it through the mail it would have taken months - we all know how slow Swiss mail is, ESPECIALLY IN SWITZERLAND!
It's like that old saying, "Better late than via Swiss Mail Courier, ESPECIALLY IN SWITZERLAND!" If I only had a nickel for every time I heard my father say that I'd have millions. MILLIONS.
Regardless, taking the time to tell you that story cost me several thousand dollars. Becuase my time is worth that much. Because I am a business man. If I don't do business I lose money. If I lose money I have to do even MORE busines to compensate for the lost money due to the lost business.
Quaker Oats,
John F. Reed - Maple & Brown Sugar
Date: Thu, 11 Jan 2007 14:35:46 +0000 (GMT)
From: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Fwd: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: "John Reed"
Attn: Mr.John Francis Reed,
Sir,
We acknowledge your mail along with attached payment document of Large bank of Switzerland indicating that you have payment of the charges to empower us to commence transfer of your money to you. But it is most unfortunate that you went contrary to our procedure of making payment to us.
We therefore want to use this opportunity to remind you to make payment reach us with the following procedure below;
(1) NAME: REX NEWMAN
(2) DESTINATION: LONDON
(3) MODE OF PAYMENT: WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER OR MONEYGRAM.
(4) QUESTION: WHAT IS HIS JOB?
(5) ANSWER: SECRETARY.
This is the only way you can make payment to reach us and you strickly advised to adhere and follow the procedure for your benefit. Please take note!
MAKE PAYMENT AND SEND INFORMATION TO BANK WITH THE CONTROL NUMBER AND OTHER NECESSARY DETAILS. ALL CORRESPONDENCE TO REACH US BY THE EMAIL ADDRESS: remittance_dept@charfs.com ;
Thank you.
Your Sincerely,
Danny Smith (Mr.)Customer Support.,
CHARETERED FINANCE AND SECURITIES PLC, LONDON.
Date: Thu, 11 Jan 2007 13:40:39 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: Fwd: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Listen here Danny,
I flew all the way to Switzerland to get that money ready for Rex. It cost me 25 Pounds Sterling to put the transfer together, and another 5 Pounds Sterling processing fee. And now look what happens.
YOU REFUSE MY MONEY!?
How dare you! First you get my name wrong and insult generations of the proud Reed family. Now you refusing my money? Is my money not good enough for you? Not green enough? Not shiny enough?
I am a business man. I am a SERIOUS business man. I do not have time for these games.
The Large Bank of Switzerland is a subsidiary of Western Union. Western Union accepts Large Bank of Switzerland transfers and moneygrams. Take the form I sent you to any Western Union branch and they will honor it. I thought you would know that but i guess not.
Either cooperate with me, your investor, or put me through to your manager so I can do business with someone who is serious about business and dairy products for I am a business man of the highest caliber. THE HIGHEST CALIBER!
Hall of Fame,
John F. Reed - Cooperstown
ps - I am going to tell my business partner Mazina Jo, A DOCTOR, about all this immediately.
Date: Thu, 11 Jan 2007 13:48:20 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Mazina Zina Bo Bina,
I can't believe it. I sent the wire transfer to this Rex Newman person from the Large Bank of Switzerland - the most respected bank in the world - and Danny Smith refused it!
REFUSED!
You set this deal up and it's falling apart because you can't find reliable people to work with.
EVERYONE KNOWS that the Large Bank of Switzerland is a subsidiary of Western Union and that all Western Union branches and offices and hot dog stands ACCEPT LARGE BANK OF SWITZERLAND forms and transfers and moneygrams and leather goods.
I asked for the bank manager and told them that I was going to tell you about everything.
I am mad. Please go to the bank and tell them how wrong they are and lets commence this business transaction! Do you even know how much business I had to stop doing in order to deal with this nonsense!?
I DO BUSINESS!
He shoots,
John F. Reed - He scores
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Fri, 12 Jan 2007 15:26:40 +0600 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John
Thanks for your email letting me know the update so far. Istrongly advise you to liase with bank's instructions to make payment ofthe charges to them to enable bank effect transfer to you withoutfurther delay. You should make the payment to them following theguidelines they have asked you to do so.
Dr.Mazina
+447011148106.
Date: Fri, 12 Jan 2007 09:00:58 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dr. Mazina Jo,
The bank wants me to liase? I'll tell you what the bank can liase. The bank can liase my balls. How about that? I'm going to call the bank right now and tell them they can liase my balls.
"Hello bank. Why don't you liase my balls," I'll say to them when I call them and tell them to liase my balls.
I have done everything the bank has asked me to do. I took breaks from doing my very busy business during my business day, for I am a business man, to send money to the bank and Rex Newman and everyone in Poplar Bluff, Missouri. I filled out the forms. I kept up correspondance. I sent money. And now, at the end, the bank's giving me a hard time.
Liase my balls, stupid bank, LIASE MY BALLS!
I'm not at you, Dr. Mazina Jo, because you are my friend. I am mad at Danny Smith from the bank who refuses to sent my money to Rex Newman. Danny Smith can liase my balls for I am an important business man.
I am going to go do business now. Write me back after you speak with the bank and they apologize for doing such poor business with me, John F. Reed, an award winning business man who has won awards for my business sense in doing business.
I WILL NOT EAT MUSTARD!
Yellow Shoe,
John F. Reed - Clam Bake
Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2007 10:02:54 +0000 (GMT)
From: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: RE: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: "John Reed"
Attn: Mr. John Francis Reed,
Sir,
We thank you for your mail. We wish to inform you that the method of payment of our charges/fees to empower us to commence payment to you is by means of western union money transfer/moneygram. We advise you adhere strickly to this instruction and make payment to us without further delay to enable us effect transfer of your money to you immediately.
All replies to reach us with the email address: remittance_dept@charfs.com;
Thank you.
Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Danny Smith (For Remittance Dept.)
Chartered Finance And Securities Plc, London. www.charfs.com
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2007 19:27:18 +0600 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Please i want to know the update with bank. Have respondedto bank as they required? Let me know immediately so that we canproceed.
Dr. Mazina
+447011148106.
Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2007 11:30:35 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: RE: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Danny Smith,
I would like to thank you for thanking me for my mail. I am reading this email on my private jet at the moment. Forgive me some leTTers are raNdomly capitalizEd. WE ARe experienCing some Mild TurbulENce.
I AM FlYing back from SwitZerland for the SeconD time. I flew to SwitzerlAND so I could aDhere striCKly to the instruCtion so I could maKe payMENt to you wiTHouT FURther delAY.
Please know that I have alReady adHered to the instructiON once Before and I am geTTing anGry having to Fly to SwitzerLand a seCond time. I will be expressInG my disPleasure with my busineSS partNer dR. Mazina JO.
I have to gO do businEss now with sOme BusineSS PeoplE on the plane with mE rIght noW. I am a bUsiness Man of the HigheSt caliBEr. I wear a tie anD everYthing.
WW,
John F.Reed - I'm Counting Points
Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2007 11:37:51 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear Mazina,
I know you want to know the update with the bank. I want to know the update with the bank as well. They are being very difficult to do business with. I do not like them. I would like to put beans in all their food so they have a smelly and musical day at the bank.
I send them forms. I call their phone number. I fly to Switzerland, TWICE, and they don't care. (by the way, I'm on my privatejet and we're having some turBulenCe so ranDom letterS migHt appeAr in capital. THEre is nOthing I can do aBout it.)
I went to the Bank and I wenT To WesteRN UniOn and I sent TWicE as muCh money as reQuestEd to reX neWman just to be suRe the ProcesS BeginS pRoperly.
The banK Tells me to adHere, well thEy can adHere mY BAllS. Do you hEre mE? ADheRe my baLLs!
Who is GoinG to paY foR my inteRnatIOnal fLights to sWitZerland? On a priVate Jet no leSs?
Please bE my fRiend.
Velcro,
John F. Reed - Rock Out With Your Male Chicken Out
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2007 13:31:16 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
I did not quite understand your mail. could you please letme know what you are up to. We really need to successfully conclude thisdeal and you are delaying it.
Dr. Mazina
Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2007 09:12:53 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Hey Mazina!
I'm not going to lie to you, I got drunk last night.
Oh man. I went to Pete's. You know Pete's. Pete's over on 2nd Street. Anyway. I went to Pete's after some very serious business at the end of my very serious business day tried to unwind with a Jack & Coke. Next thing I know my old buddy Matt shows up and he buys me a second round because he's so happy to see me. So I had another Jack & Coke.
Short story long, I ended up taking down four Jack & Cokes, two Vodka Collins, and a Vodka Tonic that knocked me on my ass. I'm a business man, and a business man of the highest caliber, and this Vodka Tonic knocked me on my ass.
Long story medium, next think I know I'm eating Jello Shots off a hooker's stomach while a midget was punching me in the balls. A bus full of clowns on the way to the circus broke down around the corner so they came in too, juggling all kinds of stuff and breathing fire. I thought it was odd when the bar manager shut the doors and turned on all the ultraviolet lights, but it made sense once he started whipping the ten or twelve ladies and three men dressed as Japanese Schoolgirls over by the pool table as they lathered themselves up with lemon meringue pie filling.
Quick story drawn out, it's four in the morning and I'm driving home. I have no idea where my pants are. The hooker's with me. The midget's taking a nap in the back seat. The cop says I was doing 120mph but I don't believe him. Something with a tree and a dog and eyewitnesses. I woke up this morning on my front porch with no pants and two people I never met and two police officers eating lemon meringue pie.
Good pie.
I went to Western Union and sent the wire transfer this morning. I was still drunk and vomiting rather frequently but I think I sent too much but I sent it and it's been sent.
MAN I could go for some cheeseburgers right now.
Hung Over,
John F. Reed - Her Name Was Candi With An 'I'
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: let me hear from you
Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2007 23:50:00 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Thank you for telling me the truth that you write me emailunder the influence of alcohol. Well, i want to express my gratitute toyou for making the payment of the charges to bank. Please i advise yousend the western union info to bank to enable them make necessaryconfirmation to empower them transfer the money to you. Let me know whenyou are done. Hope to hear from you soon.
Dr. Mazin
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: hello
Date: Thu, 18 Jan 2007 17:26:59 +0600 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
DEAR JOHN,
HOW ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY? I HAVE BEENEXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU TO KNOW THE UPDATES WITH BANK AS I KNOW BANKIS SUPPOSED TO HAVE RESPONDED TO YOU TO RELEASE YOUR FUND TO YOU. PLEASELET ME KNOW WHAT YOU ARE UP TO SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED.
DR.MAZINA
+447011148106.
Date: Thu, 18 Jan 2007 17:03:59 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
dear mazina,
you used up all the capital letters i had left. my computer only allows for so many capital letters to be used per day, and thanks to your email they're all used up. now i can't spell things without looking like a child.
that said i want you to know that i went to a western union office this morning and had the money transfered. i went to the one on 3rd street, you know the one across the street from fedex and moony moonstein's moonshine emporium, and i was helped by a man named terry cloth. i paid in cash and the wire was sent this morning at 8:05am.
i think terry cloth had bad breath but i don't know for sure - i have no sense of smell - but if i had to venture a guess i'd say it smelled like three week old non-refrigerated tuna with paprika and rotten eggs. if i had to guess.
tell me when the money begins to transfer.
electric hum,
john f. reed - turn off the tv
Date: Thu, 18 Jan 2007 17:25:18 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: RE: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
hello bank,
forgive the lack of capital letters, that son of a bitch dr. mazina jo stole them from me. i'm starting to wonder if he's really a doctor at all. hell, i'm starting to wonder if he is a he at all - i think dr. mazino jo is a woman.
but what the hell, i went to western union and wired the money anyway. what the hell!
i spoke with a man named terry cloth at the western union office on 3rd across the street from a moonshiner's place and his breathe was awful. but i paid in cash the wire went through at 8:05 this morning.
this is the third time i've wired money for this project and it had better work. i deman reimbursement for the first two failed attempts.
but what the hell
ever been to muskegon, michigan? i've never been there but i heard it's just like kalamazoo except different.
expo,
john f. reed - sniffing markers
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: hello
Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2007 14:44:48 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Am grateful that you have done it. Please endeavour tosend the information of the payment to bank so that they will maketransfer to you immediately.
Dr. Mazina
Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2007 10:14:14 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Mazina,
I already endeavored to send the information to the bank yesterday. THEY NEVER WRITE BACK!
Where is my money? I did what I was supposed to do on my end, now you do what you're supposed to do on YOUR end.
Do it, and DO IT NOW!
Please?
I sent you a picture. Do you like it? It's a picture of me in my business suit. As you can see, I am a very aggressive business man. Ever fly a TIE Fighter? I did. I flew for the Empire, but only in Episode 5 when the Empire wins. I only play to win. I didn't fly the TIE Fighter in Episodes 4 or 6 because the Empire loses in those, and I'm a winner. I like to win. In everything. From TIE Fighter flying to business. I'm a business man.
Mekkalekkahimekkahineyho,
John F. Reed - Long Live Jambi
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: hello
Date: Sat, 20 Jan 2007 00:15:13 +0600 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
I have finalised every modalities for the smooth transferof the money to you as soon as bank confirms payment of charges fromyou.
Dr. mazina
Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2007 14:46:56 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear Mazina,
Send me copies of all the modalities you finalized with the bank to ensure the smooth transfer of money. Send the copies immediately.
I sent you just one copy of the modes involved with my business. What do you think? Tell me what you think about my modes. These are business modes made for business men and business women and business people involved with business. It might be too complicated for you.
Do you like my modes? I attached it to this email. Write me back. Be sure to send me copies of all the modalities you finalized. Do it now.
DNA,
John F. Reed - I Am Innocent
Date: Mon, 22 Jan 2007 11:30:23 +0000 (GMT)
From: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: RE: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: "John Reed"
Attn: Mr. John Francis Reed,
Sir,
we thank you for your mail. we want to inform you that we are yet to receive evidence of your payment to enable us commence transfer to you. In view of this, therefore, we will be forced to stop further payment to you if you do not comply in five (5) working days from today.
Thank you.
Your Sincerely,
Danny Smith (Mr.)Customer Support.,
CHARETERED FINANCE AND SECURITIES PLC, LONDON.
Date: Mon, 22 Jan 2007 16:02:20 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: RE: FUND TRANSFER APPROVAL
To: "postmaster@ charfs.com" charfs1@yahoo.co.uk
Hello Danny,
I went back to the Western Union branch and I got a copy of the receipt as proof of the wired money to Rex Newman (attached). If you didn't get the money that's YOUR problem. I did what was asked of me. Now it is YOUR turn to send me the millions of dollars that I agreed to be the next of kin for.
Hurry up, though, I'm getting angry fast and it is not wise to make an exceptional businessman, such as myself, angry. I wish summon all my business powers and strike you down with business lighting that will shoot out of my business cloud that I can use my business skills to control.
I am going to contact my business partner Dr. Mazina Jo, a total flaming queen, about this.
Do not anger me. I attached proof of the Western Union wire transfer.
Mentos,
John F. Reed - The Fresh Maker
Date: Mon, 22 Jan 2007 16:06:24 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com>
Dr. Mazina,
I am very angry with your bank. They say the money has not been wired to them. I do not understand.
I sent them a copy of the receipt of the wire transfer (attached). I told them you were a flaming queen. I told them that if I were angered I would strike them down with my business lightning from my business cloud controlled with my business skills for I am a powerful business man.
What's wrong with them?
I am telling you everything because you are my dear friend and you told me to tell you everything. What you do without clothes and the family horse in the family barn after the family's gone to bed is your own private business. And business, as you know, is what I understand.
FIX THIS ERROR OR I WILL BE ENRAGED!
Puerto Rico,
John F. Reed - Buffet On The Cruise
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: hello
Date: Tue, 23 Jan 2007 14:37:40 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
Bank can not get the payment and still claim they havenot. I do hope you realised the payment should be through western union.So Please resend the information with which you used to send the westernunion to them.
Dr. Mazina
Date: Fri, 26 Jan 2007 14:35:39 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Mazina,
Sorry I've been gone. I went to a special seminar. It was special. That is all I can say.
We discovered electric grass. It's going to make us millions. I've said too much. I can say no more. Actually, don't read that part about the electric grass and the millions it's going to make us ('us' meaning a group of people in which I am included but you are not).
I went to the Western Union office again and they gave me the receipt again and I attached it to this email so you can have proof. I did it during a lunch break from that special seminar I went to that I can't speak to you about anymore because you're not supposed to know anything. (Did you really think I'd send you money?) It's a secret between me and a few other eccentric billionaire investors and inventors and paranormal investigators.
I sent the money. See attached. Bank is lying. Hide the documents up your ass - it's the last place they'll search. I learned that from Pulp Fiction. You should watch it - it was awesome. It was as awesome as the seminar was special. No joke - the secret seminar's special levels were equal to the awesome levels of Pulp Fiction.
I sent the money to the bank. All 470 pounds to one Mr. Rex Newman.
I was drawing a picture of Alaska yesterday, and while doing it with my left hand I looked at it with my right eye and saw that my body had sent me a secret message - it had my wallet. (I never sent you the money because I know you're a liar.) So I tried desperately to get my wallet back from my body, but every time I won and ended up with my wallet I saw that my body still had it. I have pursued legal action and I'm taking my body to court the Wednesday after next after next before the next one after that.
Can I kick you in the balls?
I sent the money to the bank. It's all there waiting for pickup.
I drank so much Pepto Bismol last night that it woke me up at three in the morning. I went to the bathroom and pooped all this dark black mud and then some real poop and then more dark black mud. I thought it would hurt, but it didn't. I thought it would smell, but it didn't. I thought it would break the toilet, but it didn't because I did it all in the sink which, looking back at it now, was a poor choice. I BRUSH MY TEETH IN THERE!
I got a receipt from a dry cleaners today. The receipt number is 14941 - a palindrome number! I'm getting eight (8) shirts pressed with medium starch. I find that light starch isn't enough whereas heavy is too much. (I'm lying about sending you the money by the way. I haven't sent a penny.) I explained this to the Chinese woman who works there and she told me of a third option, aside from light or heavy starch. It's called Medium Starch. Well let me tell you that I jumped, JUMP(ED), at this historical opportunity. I can't wait to get my shirts (8) back later this evening.
The money has been wired. I promise. It's there and waiting for someone to get it. I am looking forward for this transaction to go forward as we go forward in the future which requires full throttle going-forward-action.
Lost in time,
John F. Reed - Lost in Space
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: hello
Date: Sat, 27 Jan 2007 16:56:27 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Dear John,
I'm happy that you have sent the money to bank. Pleaseensure you send the information to be used to get the payment tobank.
Dr. Mazina
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 09:49:58 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Mazina!,
I want you to know that I sent the money yet again. I attached the form for you to read over.
I will never send you a dime and I hope you will join me for a laugh as I do not send you money and you remain a poor little scammer in some shack in Africa.
I spoke with the bank and they received the money.
Just kidding, screw you, I never sent a dime nor will I.
All the money has been sent and received and I look forward for the final transfer of funds into my account.
Need Tickets,
John F. Reed - Have Tickets
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: hello
Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2007 00:35:40 +0500 (IST)
From: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
YOU ARE PAYING FOR THE ROLES YOUR FOREFATHERS PLAYED DURING THE SLAVETRADE............
AM HAPPY YOU HAVE DONE YOURS THAT WHY YOUKNOW....
Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2007 22:34:55 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: "mazina jo" drmazinaj@sify.com
Calm down Mazina, you're angry...
Now let's start over.
#1 - My forefathers had no part in the Slave Trade.
#2 - I, too, am happy that I have done mine that why I know...
#3 - I called the bank and spoke with the manager and made sure the money was available and ready for Rex Newman to pick.
#4 - Can we be friends? I want this transaction to go through.
#5 - Do you like cheese?
#6 - If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
#7 - Does it make you feel good to lie to people?
#8 - I know you're not a liar, rather you are a very honest and upstanding person.
#9 - Attached is, I swear, a REAL copy of the Western Union form I filled out.
#10 - I swear and I promise and I am upstanding and all that stuff...
Shamu,
John F. Reed - Sea World
ps - is there someone there who beats you when your online deals fall apart? I certainly hope so. Try lemon juice and salt - it'll make the wounds feel better.
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: hello
Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2007 22:17:24 +0600 (IST)
From: drmazinaj@sify.com
ALREADY WE ARE BEST OF FRIENDS. BUT DON'T DENY THE FACT OF SLAVE TRADE.INFACT THE IS MAIN REASON FOR ANY BLACK'S AGRESSION.
LETS WORKTOGETHER MY FRIEND. GET CLIENT FROM THERE 50/50.
Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2007 09:50:30 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: drmazinaj@sify.com
My Best Friend Mazina,
Let's approach this from another angle.
Let's pretend you're genuinely mad about the Slave Trade. If you really are - why should you be the one enriching yourself? Why not spend your time and money trying to repair the damage to those who genuinely suffered?
Secondly, you weren't affected by the Slave Trade. How do I know? YOU'RE STILL THERE!
Tell me how to get client from there 50/50? I very much want to do business with you because I am a business man who only cares about business in a business world where business is my watch word. And you're my best friend.
I promise you. I give you my word. I swear that no matter how long it takes, no matter how many emails we send, I will do everything in my power to not send you one dime.
Digital Picture Frame,
John F. Reed - 16MB SD Card
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: hello
Date: Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:47:34 +0500 (IST)
From: drmazinaj@sify.com
Stop bothering yourself sending me attachments. I do not open thembecause no time. And who told you the slave trade did not affect me?Those of my brothers and sisters that lost their lives then how do youthink i can be repaired. There is nothing to bother about the penalty isfor everyone of you to pay tith for that great damage and voilation tohuman; purely inhumanity to man. I have always felt bad during myuniversity days when the history of slave trade was the topic.
Andmy brother, we are not talking about you sending money since you havepaid your own dont bother sending anymore please. What i need from younow is to be my business partner. If you can give me your correct phonenumber i will call you so that we can discuss in details. Or you cancall me +447011148106.
Dr. Mazina
Date: Wed, 31 Jan 2007 11:57:02 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: drmazinaj@sify.com
Mazina,
Are you sure you don't like my attachments? My attachments like you. They tell me all the time. Just yesterday I went out back to my Attachments Shed, where I keep all my attachments shackled to the wall with little food or water, and when I say, "Who wants to get sent to their Uncle Mazina," well, you should hear those chains rattle. The rattling totally drowns out the sounds of tears and moans of desperation and agony and defeat.
Unless your brothers and sisters are hundreds of years old, none of them were around for the Slave Trade.
I'm Jewish. My family has been rounded up and slaughtered every few generations. Who's going to pay me? I think every one of you should pay me 13 tiths for the suffering I went through. So if I owe you one tith and you owe me 13, that means you owe me 12 tiths. When would you like to pay me my 12 tiths? How much is a tith anyway?
I tried calling you at +447011148100 but an angry woman answered and yelled at me and engaged me in 'private conversation' (if you know what I mean) and yelled at me some more and told me what she was wearing. I didn't mind the call, and have called back several times since (she likes spanking), but it's not the business I was looking for because I am a business man in search of business for business reasons.
Are you a pillow biter?
Water Bottle,
John F. Reed - 32oz.
To: "JohnReed"
Subject: Re: hello
Date: Thu, 01 Feb 2007 15:39:52 +0500 (IST)
From: drmazinaj@sify.com
NA YOU GO TIRE.
Date: Thu, 1 Feb 2007 09:05:35 -0800 (PST)
From: "John Reed"
Subject: Re: hello
To: drmazinaj@sify.com
I'm sorry Mazina,
I didn't mean for you to go tire. I went to go tire once and it was embarrassing. Everyone just pointed and stared and laughed.
Ok Mazina. You win. I would hate to lose your friendship. Let us start over. I am a business man. Just tell me what bank to call and I promise I will call them and send the money and whatever.
Money is just money. There will always be more. But there is only one Mazina and I would hate to lose you.
I love you.
Just kidding,
John F. Reed - Burn In Hell
