VENT

I'm a chubby guy. I'm not fat, just, well, a little on the heavy side. I could stand to lose some weight - let's leave it at that.

So, my physical trainer/fiancé is helping me out. At my request she's guiding me through simple exercises and making sure I eat the proper foods. One of the things Lisa's got me doing is drinking plenty of water. It's actually quite refreshing, and, even though it's got me heading off to the bathroom five times a day, kinda' tasty.

I just got back to my desk with a couple bottles of Dasani from the vending machine down the hall. I gave one to Chris (the guy who sits next to me and also enjoys a cold bottle of water from time to time) and started drinking the other.

"You know that Coca Cola makes this water, Ben," he tells me.

"Yeah, I see that on the label. 'A product of The Coca Cola Company."

"They put salt in it."

"What!?"

"Yeah, they put salt in the water to make you stay thirsty after you're done so you buy a Coke."

"Baloney."

I checked the ingredients on the bottle. I was expecting one of two things; a - water, and b - 'two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen'.

Nope.

Get this. On a bottle of Dasani 'water', the ingredients that are listed as follows, "Purified water, magnesium sulfate, potassium chloride, salt" The word 'salt' has an asterisk next to it, which addresses a footnote below that reads, "Adds a negligible amount of sodium."

Oh my G-d!

I AM drinking salt water. Well, technically, I'm drinking salted magnesium and potassium water. Know where the word 'sulfate' comes from? Sulfur. Know where the word 'chloride' comes from? Chlorine! A poison and a pool cleaner. That's what I'm drinking.

Oy vey!

After reading the list, I told Chris that such water 'isn't kosher', and we laughed and laughed.

But then I looked at the label again. Holy moly, it IS kosher! It's got the 'U' in a circle that signifies kosher!

Has the world gone mad! I thought that, all this time, kosher meant a certain level of cleanliness had been achieved in the production the food/drink product. I guess not. I guess it literally means no meat and dairy, and/or no shellfish, and/or no pork - and that's it!

Oh boy...

Anyway, I've learned something here. Never trust the Coca Cola Company, and never trust Kosher Water.